Veterans and first responders often struggle with severe mental health issues due to the high stress of their jobs, and former Nampa Police Officer Jarad Webb is no exception.
"A month's supply of pills, I'd go through in three days, and then I would drink whiskey by the bottle until the withdrawals went away, until I could get to my next refill, and that's how I lived," said owner of Zero Dark Thirty Coffee Jarad Webb.
Webb says he served four years in the Marine Corps and 16 years as a local police officer. He says he didn't realize how drastically those jobs effected his mental health until four shoulder surgeries left him addicted to opioids.
"I was on probation with the police department, I was working day shift, I had my teenage boys peeing in a bottle and I was cheating the drug tests they were giving me," said Webb. "I was lying to everybody, including myself."
Webb says he hit rock bottom when a confrontation at home left him desperate for more pills.
"I decided I was going to call Ada County, because I worked in Canyon County, to report my meds stolen so I could get them refilled early because I couldn't deal with all that emotion without my binky and needed my meds," said Webb.
Webb says he is grateful that a detective answered his call, did some digging, and ultimately arrested him for felony drug charges.
"I wound up getting arrested in my own department, being booked into jail by my friends. My booking photo was blasted all over the media," said Webb. "I went in a really, really dark place, was suicidal, came very, very close. I got a timely phone call from a friend who kind of made me see that maybe I don't know how to fix this problem that's going on with me and I'm not the same guy I used to be, so maybe I should find people who can help me, so I did."
Webb says he has since had the opportunity to apologize to his former coworkers for putting them in such a tough position.
"I know that when they came to work that day, that was not how they wanted to start their shift, so luckily I've been able to have that conversation. The reality is the feedback from all of them has been really positive because I don't know that many of them expected me to be around since suicide is so prevalent in the first responder, veteran community," said Webb. "It's an epidemic because we don't reach out, we just we get to the point where we feel like it's the bottom and we check out permanently and I know that they all thought that's where I was headed."
While getting help looks different for everyone, Webb says it is important to learn to deal with your trauma instead of suppressing it.
"We don't do a good enough job at teaching guys how to do that, we will spend a year training you to go into combat, but we don't spend a month teaching you how to reintegrate back into society. There's a place for that tough guy bravado stuff, but it's not at home with your family," said Webb. "For police officers and first responders, medics, firemen, ER nurses, you've got to turn that off when you go home, but how?"
Answering that question is the main focus of the Zero Dark Thirty Foundation, Webb's nonprofit that is funded by Zero Dark Thirty Coffee and helps pay for first responders and veterans to get the care they need.
"A huge part of my healing is helping other people. I mean, that's what keeps me focused, but also seeing that I'm not alone. My story, the details might be different, but my story is not unique, and if somebody else can do it, so can I," said Webb. "That's what keeps me sober and seeing stories like Ace, I mean, that's inspiring to me."
Ace Aspiras is a respiratory therapist. He says he cared for the first community spread COVID patient in the United States back in 2020. He is one of many frontline workers that have since struggled with PTSD as well as substance abuse.
"I'm just filled with so much gratitude because the road has been really long, with Zero Dark 30 I've had somebody in my corner, somebody rooting me on, somebody walking me through my trauma, my mental health suffering and I get emotional just thinking about how dark the place I once was in, to the place now where I do have hope."
Aspiras says Zero Dark Thirty helped him emotionally as well as financially.
"Zero Dark Thirty has been able to help me get my life back. I was in crisis in December and I needed to go to treatment and spent 40 days at a Trauma Recovery Center in Utah, and so Zero Dark Thirty helped pay for my expenses to go to the rehab but didn't leave me hanging once the rehab was over," said Aspiras. "Zero Dark Thirty was able to help me with mental health services for my transition back home so I can be a father, a husband, and just reintegrate back with my family. I can't say enough about what Zero Dark Thirty did for me."
Aspiras says it is important for first responders and veterans to focus on their own wellbeing and not just the wellbeing of others.
"As first responders, frontline healthcare workers, we always put other people first and rarely do we put our mental health first and so our body does keep the score, and eventually it has nowhere to go," said Aspiras. "With depression and anxiety, a lot of that is just because we're suppressing a lot of our emotions and eventually it catches up with us. Zero Dark Thirty was a huge peace in providing the mental health services that I needed. It got me to the point of surrender, and acceptance that, 'Hey, I need help.' I think it's okay to ask for help."
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call 9-8-8 for help.
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